Turning 18

Does it come with any sort of new liberties?Staying out late at night,and perhaps taking in my frustration with two shots of vodka?Or is it about how desperately people are expecting you to behave your age.When I look back and think,of all those 18 years.The moments that I can recall.The times when I was the victim,in pain.Those times,when I cried my gut out.Those times,when I was the bitch.And those that just cornered me.
Memories get blurred as we move on,there isn't much to complain about the past.But the most satisfying aspect is if you've been honest to yourself.That counts,having a clear conscience.Not everybody has the guts to stand up and say they've done wrong.I'm one of the few who do.Am I swaggering?Hell,no.I'm just being honest.

Sometimes,its like being caught up in a whiff of emotions when everyone around you has an opinion about you.But you know the biggest liberty of turning 18?You're opinion isn't ignored anymore.You're allowed to stand up for what you think is right.There are thousand of judgements passed,hell lot of accusations made.But still,its much easier to stand and say,that you know what you're doing.I just did that last night.It was easy.I like being 18.

Despair

The heart was on fire,

perhaps,a drag would do.

As the smoke rised,

she descended into nothingness.

She thinks,

again.

Claustrophobia creeps in.

With trembling hands,

she searches for the needle.

She lets out a cry,

slumps to the ground,

wails in despair.

Had he done this to her?

reduced her to despair.

His love,now seemingly unreal..

She withers,

and cries.

It took her this,

to find out what cruelty was all about.

She ran all over the place,

knocking down everything.

Her emotions.

Her wails.

The furniture.

Her seeking eyes,rested on the needle.

Her hands went for it,

inelucatbly.

And as she thrust it into her,

sweet pain engulfed her.

Leaving her void,calm.

Bliss...

Perhaps,with not much to say,she lay frozen amidst the photographs.Taking one in her hand,she lay reminiscing about the old times.When everything seemed perfect.Too perfect to be true.
How his warmth,his touch,his embrace,his whispers filled her day with bliss.Bliss is short-lived,she thought.Permanent is how she wanted things to say.She can't recall,it must have been an entire night,that she had been sitting like this,or maybe more..
The tears had dried,she felt void,emotionless.She saw the shiny thing that was covered by a photograph.Of her and Stan,smiling,hugging.She took it,not the photograph,but the shiny metal.Thought about it,the life,without him,without his touch.A smile touched her lips,as she felt a sharp pang of pain....Bliss after-all.

Stan was getting late.He knew he couldn't let go of the one girl he loved the most.So many misunderstandings,so many fights.He had been egoistic,allright.But this was his chance,to make up to her.To win her back.He ran up the staircase.As soon as he reached the door,he fumbled with the keys,and pushed the door ajar.There she lay,in all her senile beauty,with the same smile on her flawless face.He could have gone and hugged her when he noticed the red colouration on the floor.He screamed,the loudest he ever had.....

New blog. =)

I have a new blog. This.
Its called pensez,and for those not familiar with french,it means "think".See,how realistic I can get.
Its for the serious me.You know,I'm just not another quirky teenager.I believe in real issues(sic!).
And the new bloggie suits the purpose.Shower the love,people.

=)

The last few days have been terrible.Sad.Epic sad.Thus,the posts.
And to top it all,I ain't celebrating diwali due to a death in the family. *sigh*
But now,Mema's gaining normalcy.
Life with S is back to normal,back to perfect.But then we're awesome anyways.
Its just that,he's the best friend et al,for me.He knows,what I want.And he knows what I mean,when I speak shit.
When you're epic sure of something awesome,you infuse it into your life.
Proof: Check the new url.S B can be simply basking :P
P.S.Happy Diwali bloggers.Keep it safe,noise-free,and well,happy. =)

too much of everything sad.

Grief is such a strange emotion.One moment,it leaves you void,unfeeling,cold.And the very next moment,your eyes overflow with tears.Sometimes,its hard to figure out the reason for grief.And some other times,you don't want to ananlyse a thing.Just sit,with your body curled into a ball,and you want to disapper in your tears.
And the worst part,when you don't have anyone to explain this grief to.You're at a loss for words,not for tears.You want to hug this one person,and cry till you die,but you don't have that person with you.
I want to bury myself into something soft,and cry,till I die.Yes.
I want anonymity.I want to disappear into nothingness.Not a soul around me.Nobody to call out my name.
I wan to go deaf,so that I hear nothing.Not the taunts,nor the harsh words.Enough of all that.
Sometimes,its hard to try to stay silent.To not retract.Sometimes,you've just had enough of it all.
Sometimes,its difficult to hold back tears.As you write,they flow.
Sometimes,all you want is a hug.