So, I have invited a friend of mine, actually a junior from college, who has amazing writing abilities, to contribute a piece to this blog. He is Antonio Mathias a.k.a Keith. So, his post-
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The Shadow
I've tried and succeeded to achieve whatever it is that my mind wishes. I know that I am, better. Better than my adversaries. After my triumphs, I rest, basking in its glory.
But as I rest, a terrible, cold dread suddenly envelopes me...
But as I rest, a terrible, cold dread suddenly envelopes me...
I feel a sense of danger, racing towards my triumphs.
Immediately I look up at my victories and I see that they are blanketed by a Shadow. A shadow so deep, a shadow so dark, a shadow so strong that I fail to conquer it. I fail to establish my own existence, I fail to assert my dominance over it, I fail to say, truly, that I am what I am, and that I hold my own ground.
I turn my back towards the shadow. I try to act as if I am not affected by it. But then the darkness of the shadow consumes me, mocks me, reminds me that my spread is nothing, nothing compared to its reach.
I fall, wounded by its words, and I watch as the shadow extends towards the horizon. I watch as the shadow, smiling its malicious smile, devours all my triumphs, all my achievements, all my glory.
But it doesn't leave. It stays and dares me to achieve more, to triumph more. It waits patiently, for it believes that there is nothing I can do to eclipse it.
And I lie in the dust, covering under the power of the shadow, fearing to dare, fearing to try, fearing to triumph.
I lie in fear of the shadow.
Is the shadow too strong or am I too weak?
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How would you interpret this piece? It's open to numerous thoughts, you know. As you proceed to read it, I'm sure, you have a thought that flutters through your head. It is open to so many ideas, so many experiences of succeeding, yet being miserable. Which is your shadow?
A less-than-average post from an EVEN more banal blog. There's too many mistakes going on here Keith! Too many commas. "..racing towards my triumphs"?! Think you meant "chasing my triumphs". Again you've literally KILLED the comma with your absurd use of it. "smiling its malicious smile" NO FRIGGIN WAY. "And I lie...blahblah"-run it through a Spellcheck. "coverED under the..blahblah, AFRAID to ..whateva"
ReplyDeleteYour last line's to cliched that would appeal to people who've only ever just begun to take English seriously. Throwing about big, complex words randomly, isnt going to make your writing any better than it was in the 5th standard. Use your high Vocab,correctly not just as a petty excuse for a bad article overall. You've got a LOT to work on, a 10th would do better.
Hey, Hi...
ReplyDeleteTo the person above.(Literally above, and not GOD!!) I would say, this post is a beautifully woven illusion. it seems different to different people and what one devours out of it is actually that persons true self. His own inner self that is in hiding. And after writing for years, and also reading many a writers works, i would say, it aint easy to achieve such genius. As far as the vocabulary is concerned, its the queens language at its simplest best. And the spell check, try running it through your comment, the green and red worms would come crawling underneath.
Criticism is good, but falsely done, it has a different name.
Keith, buddy, its a beautiful post, i do not know since how long you have been writing, but do keep posting, Meher has a wonderful blog, get her inputs and start a blog of your own. If nothing, it helps us hone our skills as a writer and builds up our confidence. Though at times we do face a few anonymous characters. But, every coin has two sides, isnt it?
Regards,
The Silhouette...
I first thought of the sun, but then I read along and found myself relating it to guilt. It is not uncommon to feel guilty about your happiness/success when you know a close friend/relative who has been struggling to achieve it.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful write-up.
@anonymous You come across calling yourself as anonymous, haven't you made that very convenient for you? You cannot question someone's usage of a sentence. I'd rather want to see your writing prowess, trust me, and your usage of words. You need to run your vocabulary through a spell check because the post has no spelling mistakes, whatsoever. It seems you started reading the post with the very thought of criticizing it.
ReplyDeleteYou have a lot to work on too, that's, your senses, of course.
shadow can be interpreted as emotions or conscience... beautiful writing there... keep it up! :)
ReplyDeleteafter posting I read the top most comment...
ReplyDeleteutterly disgusted to see such people on blogosphere....
very well said The Silhouette.. you couldnt have said in any other way to make the mark... second you mate!
Well done Keith! I simply loved your expression... the flow of thought and for the honesty with which you write!! keep it up!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI did get the chance of reading your follow up comment before its destined doom. So, hoping you would be back and read this.
I did no mistake in the choice of my words, it is in fact "devours" and not "derives" as you assume. If this simple composition is beyond your prowess of understanding, you perfectly prove your knowledge of the language, leaving nothing for me to comment on it. And lastly, using profanity ain't "cool", it only shows your lack of reasoning. About the second point you discussed, i do agree that writing and polishing it over and over again is Improvement, but its always the writers choice, the reader only has so much privilege of reading and airing his/her opinions. "Privilege" and not "Right".
Meher, i do understand you reasons for deleting that particular comment.
Regards,
The Silhouette...
@The silhouette I have already stated that i will not tolerate abusive comments on my blog. Mr/Miss. Anonymous should understand that nobody writes to please him/her. An honest critic will point out the good and the not so good points. On that regard we very well know where Mr/miss Anonymous stands.
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