Some change.

So, its Holi [THE festival of colours, where super excited people throw colours on each other, for people who do not know], and the world seems super excited about playing with colours, only not me. And it's not like every other year, when there was a next year. It's not like that anymore. I've missed loads of holi-s, due to board exams and shit [have been a very serious geek like that during exams], but there was always another year, that I could look forward to. But this time, it's different. Something inside has literally withered. And I don't see it coming back ever. Socializing is at an all time low. And the few people I would have wanted to talk to are not responsive.
Isn't it weird, when you grow up, not wanting to do things that you so badly wanted to at one point of time? When you look back, the older you is no longer identifiable. The newer you is going through so many changes, that sometimes you lose your basic essence. I don't know if I'm making much sense. And these days, my blog is going through a depressive phase. I'm just 18, and yes, to my credit, I'm quite mature. But, am I expected to understand everything? Like this whole self-searching phase can be really depressing. What you feel for someone, and what you don't. How you hate someone whom you once loved, and some mutual people clearly taking offence to that. How being alone, makes a hell lot of sense. When evening means, going out for a walk alone with your earphones plugged in. When running into acquaintances on the street makes you sigh, and not happy? Since when have I become this way, I might ask. But I've been too busy changing.

With a myriad of emotions,

sundry thoughts cribbing all time,

unusually silent.

The head all occupied,

with some opinions,

or maybe loads of them,

Kings of Leon lyrics,

and some more.

Some silent sobs,

that were let out all alone.

Did I care? Or did you?

Or did anybody else?

I guess, no.

That's why the silent sobs,

the quiet disagreements.

All alone.

Never a hug,

or a friendly confirmation, 

of love, if any.

She walks, like in query,

of friendship, also love, if any.

The music plays on,

and so does she,

guised by the soulless smile.

Do you notice anything?

Neither do I.

Let her walk alone.

She seems better off that way, 

unloved.