Thursday, January 10, 2013

Hello Fear.

I have never quite been able to embrace the origins of human emotion.
I am currently trying to figure out a project, for which I chose myself the topic- Navarasaas. For the unaware, it offers the basic premise of human emotions. Nava as in the number 9 in the sacred Hindu language and rasaas or bhaava mean aesthetics or emotions. The concept of Navarasaas offers a well thought out window into the world of the nine basic human emotions, that reside, normally, in every human being. Those being that of - Love, Joy, Anger, Disgust, Fear, Peace, Grief, Wonder and Bravery.
Which brings me back to the title.
Hello Fear.
Well, hello, scared cat.
I have been meaning to ask you about the very birth of your origination, in me. That you grow, so fastidiously, and travel, so stubbornly, occupying every hollow space in my already claustrophobic heart. You let me not speak, you let me not think, hell, you let me not write. The world and the words uttered seem to be a long continuous process of hesitation. Because there is constant fear for being let down, of my expectations being shattered, of being rejected.
You are that what stops me from being me.
I am in an endless spiral, that actively accelerates to spaces of unknown.
I do not want to know you.
Yet I do.