How many times have you come across this certain juncture in your life,when standing by a decision was the hardest thing to do?When you know,doing that,might hurt the person,who you've been with since the past 18 years,whom you love this much?Hard.Its very hard.Trust me,I know.
Its harder,when all your life,people have expected you to do well,in everything.That because that is how it had been all this while.Its not easy to stand up,and say,that "there are things I suck in,too".Self-realisation is the hardest thing ever,and if a person has that,he's bound to go places.
Anyways,I've come to a realisation as well.This ain't meant for me.This life of assignments,practicals,tests.There's death of talent and creativity out here.Its suffocating,you know,leading a monotonous life everyday.There's nothing new to look forward to,nothing to be excited about.Atleast that is how it has been.One and a half month,I hated it.I finally had to wake up to the fact that it wasn't working out.I had to let go of life,often credited to be,stable,sucessful and popular.
You know,what's the hardest part?To go convey it to the person ,to whom this decision could affect the most.It gives you these nervous pangs,and this feeling of guilt.Coz you haven't been able to stand up to their expectations this one time.
It was hard for me too.
But I had to do it.
Now that I'm done conveying about what I think,I feel lighter,but not any less sad. :(
The week's been stressful.Loads of practical work,and to top it all,three hours of sleep every night.Yes,every night.Late night phone calls,I love them so much,I can give up anything for it.Sleep,food..whatever.After a super stressful day,those few hours,talking to the one person who means the most to you is exhilerating.It's something I loOoOoOove.Drooling over his amazing voice,his accent,and the warmth,You know,what I love most about sundays.No,not that I'm free the whole day,and I got no work to do.That could be your sunday.I'm shit busy and confused on a sunday.Confused coz there's so much to do,that I can't decide what to do.But What I absolute-fuckingly-love is the amout of time I talk to him.We stay connected the whole day.We talk whenver we can.We keep texting.We stay hooked,in the literal sense.
1.He has an amazing voice.So sesky :P
2.He's stupid.Yet,he's the smartest guy I've ever known.Yes,that's weird.I'm weird.He's weird too.
3.He's so awesome,he makes me feel like the awesomest chick on planet earth.
4.Its so comforting,his voice.
5.And I can't wait to talk to him again.Yeah,I want that,right now.now.
Yeah,long time.An engineer's life is super consuming.Assignments,practicals,tests,and then assignments,practicals...and then more of them assignments.Its pathetic,really.No time for socialising.And my friends.Damn.Do they exist?Its been quite a while i met them.
Random things piss me off in college.Like super random things.I don't know why,But I'm such a bitch somtimes.I can get pretty tough on people.I can be very judgemental.I make an opinion about everything a person does or dosen't.I may not present it,to not sound to opinionated[sic.] but yeah,its always that way.And if something disturbs me big time,I have no qualms about showing that,and that too bluntly.I can be rude,very rude sometimes,to the point where you would hate me,downright.And sometimes,I can be sugar-sweet.Like,genuinely sweet.
I can be realy weird at times.You might not get what I say.You might want to drive me away.Sometimes,I can be the most entertaining company in the world.You might want to be with me endlessly.I can be stubborn about things.Really stubborn.And sometimes,I just let go.Of Soemthing or rather,someone super dear to me,I let them go.I don't impose.
Sometimes I can hate,or rather despise a person to a level of insanity.And in that hatred,I might say the dirtiest things to you.But sometimes,I love.Some-special-someone.I can love to a level of insanity too.
I cuss.Yes,I can be super crass and cheap.But sometimes,I choose to ignore you.Yes,you're not that important,not important enough to cuss at either.
I smile,sometimes I smile a lot.Like,giggling every other second.Yes,i can be a little girl too.Sometimes,I don't smile for hours.Certain times,I dress,in the awesomest manner possible.Sometimes,you'd think I'm a hippie.I dress,with not a care in the world about how I look.Yes,I'm me.I'm weird.But I like me.I think,Me is good.
Yeah,the blog's into hibernation.You see,no one,and by that I mean,no one,not even me,is vaguely interested in it.I barely write,and you guys barely comment.The grief of having been neglected so bad,has put the blog to sleep.Though,it has fallen in love with the 53[and counting!] followers who don't comment.
P.S. I'm going to be regular right now.I promise.
P.P.S. I'm sleepy.Not that you care. :P