Sunday, March 20, 2011

Some change.

So, its Holi [THE festival of colours, where super excited people throw colours on each other, for people who do not know], and the world seems super excited about playing with colours, only not me. And it's not like every other year, when there was a next year. It's not like that anymore. I've missed loads of holi-s, due to board exams and shit [have been a very serious geek like that during exams], but there was always another year, that I could look forward to. But this time, it's different. Something inside has literally withered. And I don't see it coming back ever. Socializing is at an all time low. And the few people I would have wanted to talk to are not responsive.
Isn't it weird, when you grow up, not wanting to do things that you so badly wanted to at one point of time? When you look back, the older you is no longer identifiable. The newer you is going through so many changes, that sometimes you lose your basic essence. I don't know if I'm making much sense. And these days, my blog is going through a depressive phase. I'm just 18, and yes, to my credit, I'm quite mature. But, am I expected to understand everything? Like this whole self-searching phase can be really depressing. What you feel for someone, and what you don't. How you hate someone whom you once loved, and some mutual people clearly taking offence to that. How being alone, makes a hell lot of sense. When evening means, going out for a walk alone with your earphones plugged in. When running into acquaintances on the street makes you sigh, and not happy? Since when have I become this way, I might ask. But I've been too busy changing.

With a myriad of emotions,
sundry thoughts cribbing all time,
unusually silent.
The head all occupied,
with some opinions,
or maybe loads of them,
Kings of Leon lyrics,
and some more.
Some silent sobs,
that were let out all alone.
Did I care? Or did you?
Or did anybody else?
I guess, no.
That's why the silent sobs,
the quiet disagreements.
All alone.
Never a hug,
or a friendly confirmation, 
of love, if any.
She walks, like in query,
of friendship, also love, if any.
The music plays on,
and so does she,
guised by the soulless smile.
Do you notice anything?
Neither do I.
Let her walk alone.
She seems better off that way, 


Eon Heath said...

Hey, Hi..

the walk, so lonely..
yet the mind, filled with thoughts...
of distant land,
where she yearns,to be...
yet the walk, so lonely..
may be it leads,
to that place, where finally,
she rests and stays...
to the place, where
he awaits...

thats all i could come up with for your post...

The Silhouette...

Nikita said...

Its really appreciable that you are much mature than other 18 year folks..

But ,

Do remember,there is no point in growing up when you can't be childish at times..

let the child in you come out at times and enjoy the world..

god bless ya...

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

There was a time when I too enjoyed festivals with the greatest fervor I could manage to have... all died away. Sometimes I do wonder what happened to me? I still see older men and women playing and enjoying. Its just that I don't want to be a part and smile from a distance?
But sometimes, I do get into these festivities, and I like it, I want it back. You are 18, get it back soon,trust me, you wont regret it. Maturity is not all somber and serious looking nerds, its about living like we must live, to live for a long time.

Wishing you a blessed Holi,

Blasphemous Aesthete

♪♪HARINI♪♪ said...

Loved the poem.. and well some people like playing holi, while others don't. And the fact that you've done some soul searching and that you believe in spending time with yourself proves that you have a much better life than most socialites who spend all their time trying to be the person everyone else wants.

some unspoken words said...

i loved ur poem.written nicely. changes comes with times automatically.. it may be bcoz of u not a child anymore or bcoz of loads of reasons.. stay carefree and enjoy the life. just go with the phase of lyf.. :)

The Many Colours of Happiness said...

Aww, I hope you feel better soon!! As super lame as it sounds, it will get better. I went through the same thing at 18, I thought that it what being grown up was like. But it's not, not at all, we never grow up! This feeling will pass. xoxo