2010. Yeah, well..

Scoring awesome. Breaking stereotypes. Being a college-dropout.

Discovering music. Unleashing your inner cravings. Coming to terms with your fantasies. A new relationship.

Letting go of old ones. Old friends, now no more. New friends, here and there.

Best friend, uhmm, not anymore. Turning 18. New bestfriend, the one you love.

 Vodka. Poetry, again. New blog. Career oriented. Planning. Day-dreaming. Blushing. Loving. Hating.

More impatient. More ruthless. More loving.

A loner. Being things you never were. Sitting idle, for an unimaginable long time.

Randomnes. Writing impulsively. Going crazy. Hair grows real long. I make it short, again.

Talking to random people. Loving the conversations. Finding the like-minded. Craving for more love.

 More tolerant. More emotional. Laughed more. Cried even more. Settling.

Waiting to fly.

That was my 2010. A myriad of emotions, thousands of words, but still at a loss for expressing.  Weird, is the word.

Because, she was awesome.

Aren't The Beatles awesome? They invoke stories in your head. Like this one. Go, read. =]

P.S. Screw dumbheads. =]

Beautiful pain.

Sitting in stoned silence,
wiping away tears of solitude.
heaving with claustrophobia,
she seemed beautiful, nonetheless.
A picture of pain..
deeply etched, in firm secrecy.
She would not cry.
Silently ignoring the stares,
she seemed oblivious to it all.
Beautiful, nonetheless.
I ached to know her,
to feel her silent agony.
Suddenly she shivers,
It seems as if she has woken up at last,

from the dreamy abeyance that had captured her this long

She slowly slips away,

as unassuming as she was.

She was beautiful, nonetheless.



Randomness before crashing. =P

Dosen't it feel weird, how you go on to say the most embarrassing thing about yourself to a person. When I'm saying it, there's this little voice inside me which wants me to shut up. But then little voices are meant to be ignored anyway. :P

So many times, S has called me the biggest kamina in the world.

But, its all in our random silly, cute way, ofcourse. But he's not all kidding. I'm a kamina, a big one at that. =]

I know, I'm perhaps not as good as how I was, say, three years back. Now, I'm more in control of myself, my emotions, my opinions. Now, I know of the time I should shut up, and of the perfect moment when I can let my angst out.

I think I'm going to cut my hair real short. =]

I like writing random things about myself, makes me feel useless, and jobless.

I think I'm going to look for a job.

I think I'm going to go, die on my bed.

And before I die, I'l leave you with this pic. Go, laugh.

lol.

Because Calvin=me. True. Story.

I have a thing for short stories. Especially those written by Somerset Maugham. Had he been alive, I might have taken him out on an exquisite french date. And, I'm not kidding. His stories, have a witty sense of humour, something that I could relate to, from my school days.

Thinking of school days, I just can't believe I'm 18 now. I mean, I vividly remember kicking my best friend black and blue when I lost to him in football (which I always did).I couldn't have turned 18 so soon.

Coming back to short stories, the wittiest short stories have to be of Somerset Maugham. Roald Dahl's were really cute. They were the ones I always got back to when I'd go nostalgic about school. Literature in school was so much fun.

As for the title of the post, well,  its true. Calvin is me. I am calvin.

letting go.

"You know, how much it matters, when you're friends give you away?"

"Ofcourse, I do. I care."

"like fuck, you do."

"I swear, Meher, I'm sorry. I had reasons."

"Fuck your reasons, and fuck you. I"ve don't want any of it."

Its weird how we set yardsticks for people. We expect them to be either this or that. Its weirder, when we do that for people we love. We just cannot imagine ignorance on their part. Everybody has a chosen few, the ones closest to them, and we do not and cannot expect them to give us away, and ignore our feelings. As friends,we do take each other for granted, but there's a limit for everything, and if on one of those days, when you expect a little too much from them, and nothing turns out the way you'd want it too, it creates a void.
I had a best friend. He meant so much, until he decided to spoil things himself. We're friends, yes. I could never stop talking to him. Never. Its hard to imagine. But like I said, certain things create a void. And that is something you cannot let go. As much as you get back to how close you were, things would never be the same.
S thinks,that I'm a good friend. He knows, coz we're great friends. Actually, he's my best friend, coz there's nothing hidden there.There isn't room for misunderstandings, coz everything's out in the open, bare. I can always talk to him, about the craziest shit in the world. Its so buddy like,when we make fun of each other. Sometimes, the mush can wait.

I love THIS song. Like,I'm sure, most of you do. Check it out.

Likeness.

I've been getting a tad too serious on my personal blog,ain't I?
I saw Aisha yesterday.Very girly,totally unrelatable but it was was fun.It was slightly stupid,but what the heck,it had Sonam Kapoor.Enough temptation,that.I love her.She has to be the most gorgeous thing on the screen and I could turn lesbian for her.Lol,no,just kiddin'.But she's gorgeous.
And its got Abhay Deol,who for me is the most *drool-worthy* guy on the screen after Aamir Khan.I love him so.And the movie's got awesome clothes.Some of which,I'd like to own myself.
And the music is so good.Amit Trivedi is THE man. \m/
Have been watching a lot of movies lately.Its fun.But I can't wait to get occupied,like totally occupied again.
More on that front,later.

The Mystery

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 17; the seventeenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

His father had been a really busy man.He had been watching him,all those years of his childhood,his pubescence,his adulthood.His father,hobnobbing around,caught up in his own weird antics,constantly mumbling in a language he couldn't fathom.He was not like the other fathers.He didn't go to work.While his mother toiled hard to provide for the three of them,his father seldom cared.One of the days,he'd be so silent,you could hardly feel his presence.It felt like he shrunk into nothingness.And the other days,he'd shout,break things.If he'd cross his father's path by mistake,he'd hit him hard.He'd pull his mum by her hair,thrash her and scream,"You stole my colour,you stole it".If things got out of hand,his mum would call uncle Griffen for help,and they'd tie him up to a chair.As a kid,he'd witnessed this scene a lot of times,in silent amusement.Once or twice,he'd go to his mother and ask her why they didn't have a normal father,who'd take them out for picnics.She seldom answered.
His father's room was out of bounds for everyone in the house.Even the maid who came for cleaning every week,wouldn't dare to go anywhere close to it.Once he tried sneaking into it,unsuccesfully.
His father,his very own,always remained a mystery to him.Someone who was physically near,but emotionally,as far as one could imagine.

the unfolding of the mystery...
Now as he stared at his father's coffin,he was reminded of all those years,when his mother took silent agony,when he grew from being indifferent to this man to even hating him.when his mother died,the rollicking laughter of his father that filled the room.Now that his father was dead,he could move from this house,from all those painful memories and finally relinquish his dream of writing in new york.He wanted to smile,but he didn't.The promise he had made to his mother of looking after the man who was now dead,was over.But there was one thing still missing.The room.The child inside him made him want to see the room,which so captivated this emotionless man.He opened the door to be welcomed by a strong scent of paint,as he looked around and switched on the light,there lay hundreds of paintings,all exquisite in their own right,each drastically different from the others,almost seeming like they've been painted by different people.some were painted with his father's name,and others with names he'd never heard of.The mystery dawned on him after all.His father wasn't the villain,he was the victim,of the numerous selves that rested inside him.He was a victim of their moods and outbursts.If only he had supported him in his adulthood,understood his anguish.The tears came out slowly..

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Turning 18

Does it come with any sort of new liberties?Staying out late at night,and perhaps taking in my frustration with two shots of vodka?Or is it about how desperately people are expecting you to behave your age.When I look back and think,of all those 18 years.The moments that I can recall.The times when I was the victim,in pain.Those times,when I cried my gut out.Those times,when I was the bitch.And those that just cornered me.
Memories get blurred as we move on,there isn't much to complain about the past.But the most satisfying aspect is if you've been honest to yourself.That counts,having a clear conscience.Not everybody has the guts to stand up and say they've done wrong.I'm one of the few who do.Am I swaggering?Hell,no.I'm just being honest.

Sometimes,its like being caught up in a whiff of emotions when everyone around you has an opinion about you.But you know the biggest liberty of turning 18?You're opinion isn't ignored anymore.You're allowed to stand up for what you think is right.There are thousand of judgements passed,hell lot of accusations made.But still,its much easier to stand and say,that you know what you're doing.I just did that last night.It was easy.I like being 18.

Despair

The heart was on fire,

perhaps,a drag would do.

As the smoke rised,

she descended into nothingness.

She thinks,

again.

Claustrophobia creeps in.

With trembling hands,

she searches for the needle.

She lets out a cry,

slumps to the ground,

wails in despair.

Had he done this to her?

reduced her to despair.

His love,now seemingly unreal..

She withers,

and cries.

It took her this,

to find out what cruelty was all about.

She ran all over the place,

knocking down everything.

Her emotions.

Her wails.

The furniture.

Her seeking eyes,rested on the needle.

Her hands went for it,

inelucatbly.

And as she thrust it into her,

sweet pain engulfed her.

Leaving her void,calm.

Bliss...

Perhaps,with not much to say,she lay frozen amidst the photographs.Taking one in her hand,she lay reminiscing about the old times.When everything seemed perfect.Too perfect to be true.
How his warmth,his touch,his embrace,his whispers filled her day with bliss.Bliss is short-lived,she thought.Permanent is how she wanted things to say.She can't recall,it must have been an entire night,that she had been sitting like this,or maybe more..
The tears had dried,she felt void,emotionless.She saw the shiny thing that was covered by a photograph.Of her and Stan,smiling,hugging.She took it,not the photograph,but the shiny metal.Thought about it,the life,without him,without his touch.A smile touched her lips,as she felt a sharp pang of pain....Bliss after-all.

Stan was getting late.He knew he couldn't let go of the one girl he loved the most.So many misunderstandings,so many fights.He had been egoistic,allright.But this was his chance,to make up to her.To win her back.He ran up the staircase.As soon as he reached the door,he fumbled with the keys,and pushed the door ajar.There she lay,in all her senile beauty,with the same smile on her flawless face.He could have gone and hugged her when he noticed the red colouration on the floor.He screamed,the loudest he ever had.....

New blog. =)

I have a new blog. This.
Its called pensez,and for those not familiar with french,it means "think".See,how realistic I can get.
Its for the serious me.You know,I'm just not another quirky teenager.I believe in real issues(sic!).
And the new bloggie suits the purpose.Shower the love,people.

=)

The last few days have been terrible.Sad.Epic sad.Thus,the posts.
And to top it all,I ain't celebrating diwali due to a death in the family. *sigh*
But now,Mema's gaining normalcy.
Life with S is back to normal,back to perfect.But then we're awesome anyways.
Its just that,he's the best friend et al,for me.He knows,what I want.And he knows what I mean,when I speak shit.
When you're epic sure of something awesome,you infuse it into your life.
Proof: Check the new url.S B can be simply basking :P
P.S.Happy Diwali bloggers.Keep it safe,noise-free,and well,happy. =)

too much of everything sad.

Grief is such a strange emotion.One moment,it leaves you void,unfeeling,cold.And the very next moment,your eyes overflow with tears.Sometimes,its hard to figure out the reason for grief.And some other times,you don't want to ananlyse a thing.Just sit,with your body curled into a ball,and you want to disapper in your tears.
And the worst part,when you don't have anyone to explain this grief to.You're at a loss for words,not for tears.You want to hug this one person,and cry till you die,but you don't have that person with you.
I want to bury myself into something soft,and cry,till I die.Yes.
I want anonymity.I want to disappear into nothingness.Not a soul around me.Nobody to call out my name.
I wan to go deaf,so that I hear nothing.Not the taunts,nor the harsh words.Enough of all that.
Sometimes,its hard to try to stay silent.To not retract.Sometimes,you've just had enough of it all.
Sometimes,its difficult to hold back tears.As you write,they flow.
Sometimes,all you want is a hug.

Decisions.

How many times have you come across this certain juncture in your life,when standing by a decision was the hardest thing to do?When you know,doing that,might hurt the person,who you've been with since the past 18 years,whom you love this much?Hard.Its very hard.Trust me,I know.
Its harder,when all your life,people have expected you to do well,in everything.That because that is how it had been all this while.Its not easy to stand up,and say,that "there are things I suck in,too".Self-realisation is the hardest thing ever,and if a person has that,he's bound to go places.
Anyways,I've come to a realisation as well.This ain't meant for me.This life of assignments,practicals,tests.There's death of talent and creativity out here.Its suffocating,you know,leading a monotonous life everyday.There's nothing new to look forward to,nothing to be excited about.Atleast that is how it has been.One and a half month,I hated it.I finally had to wake up to the fact that it wasn't working out.I had to let go of life,often credited to be,stable,sucessful and popular.
You know,what's the hardest part?To go convey it to the person ,to whom this decision could affect the most.It gives you these nervous pangs,and this feeling of guilt.Coz you haven't been able to stand up to their expectations this one time.
It was hard for me too.
But I had to do it.
Now that I'm done conveying about what I think,I feel lighter,but not any less sad. :(

blah :P

I love doodling,especially in the chemistry or the physics lecture.

Am I not awesome,sesky and weird. :)

Him.

The week's been stressful.Loads of practical work,and to top it all,three hours of sleep every night.Yes,every night.Late night phone calls,I love them so much,I can give up anything for it.Sleep,food..whatever.After a super stressful day,those few hours,talking to the one person who means the most to you is exhilerating.It's something I loOoOoOove.Drooling over his amazing voice,his accent,and the warmth,You know,what I love most about  sundays.No,not that I'm free the whole day,and I got no work to do.That could be your sunday.I'm shit busy and confused on a sunday.Confused coz there's so much to do,that I can't decide what to do.But What I absolute-fuckingly-love is the amout of time I talk to him.We stay connected the whole day.We talk whenver we can.We keep texting.We stay hooked,in the literal sense.
1.He has an amazing voice.So sesky :P
2.He's stupid.Yet,he's the smartest guy I've ever known.Yes,that's weird.I'm weird.He's weird too.
3.He's so awesome,he makes me feel like the awesomest chick on planet earth.
4.Its so comforting,his voice.
5.And I can't wait to talk to him again.Yeah,I want that,right now.now.

I'm good.

Yeah,long time.An engineer's life is super consuming.Assignments,practicals,tests,and then assignments,practicals...and then more of them assignments.Its pathetic,really.No time for socialising.And my friends.Damn.Do they exist?Its been quite a while i met them.
Random things piss me off in college.Like super random things.I don't know why,But I'm such a bitch somtimes.I can get pretty tough on people.I can be very judgemental.I make an opinion about everything a person does or dosen't.I may not present it,to not sound to opinionated[sic.] but yeah,its always that way.And if something disturbs me big time,I have no qualms about showing that,and that too bluntly.I can be rude,very rude sometimes,to the point where you would hate me,downright.And sometimes,I can be sugar-sweet.Like,genuinely sweet.
I can be realy weird at times.You might not get what I say.You might want to drive me away.Sometimes,I can be the most entertaining company in the world.You might want to be with me endlessly.I can be stubborn about things.Really stubborn.And sometimes,I just let go.Of Soemthing or rather,someone super dear to me,I let them go.I don't impose.
Sometimes I can hate,or rather despise a person to a level of insanity.And in that hatred,I might say the dirtiest things to you.But sometimes,I love.Some-special-someone.I can love to a level of insanity too.
I cuss.Yes,I can be super crass and cheap.But sometimes,I choose to ignore you.Yes,you're not that important,not important enough to cuss at either.
I smile,sometimes I smile a lot.Like,giggling every other second.Yes,i can be a little girl too.Sometimes,I don't smile for hours.Certain times,I dress,in the awesomest manner possible.Sometimes,you'd think I'm a hippie.I dress,with not a care in the world about how I look.Yes,I'm me.I'm weird.But I like me.I think,Me is good.

Shhh...Blog's sleeping..!!

Yeah,the blog's into hibernation.You see,no one,and by that I mean,no one,not even me,is vaguely interested in it.I barely write,and you guys barely comment.The grief of having been neglected so bad,has put the blog to sleep.Though,it has fallen in love with the 53[and counting!] followers who don't comment.




P.S. I'm going to be regular right now.I promise.
P.P.S. I'm sleepy.Not that you care. :P

Happy Birthday to the awesomest person I know.

I love you.And i want to be there,with you,on your birthday.I want to smear the cake on your face.But you!be careful...coz imma gonna do that to you someday. :P
BTW,Happy birthday babe.You've turned a year older.That makes it another 52 years with me.I'm sure you get what I want to say.

I don't know what to say,that I haven't told you before. Just want to tell you.how precious this is to me.How precious you are to me.And how I'd gladly have this forever.

I make fun of you.I poke at you.We laugh together at the corniest jokes in the world. Its the kind of friendship that's crazy..





Making my way downtown
Walking fast
Faces pass
And I'm home bound


Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making a way
Through the crowd


And I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder....



If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
Tonight


It's always times like these
When I think of you
And I wonder
If you ever
Think of me


'Cause everything's so wrong
And I don't belong
Living in your
Precious memories


'Cause I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder....


If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
Tonight


And I still need you
And I still miss you
And now I wonder....


If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass us by
'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
Tonight

P.S.I love you. :)
P.P.S. You're awesome..
P.P.P.S You're first birthday with me,you'll be smeared with cake on your face.trust me. *devil smile*

awesomeness defined.

When things are all jumbled up,like in a puzzle.And you have this one person who's always been there,but he makes his presence crucial by helping you sort that puzzle out.Awesome revelation.What happens,if you fall in love with the same person.You drag yourself into another puzzle.But then he sorts it out too,by loving you back,maybe more.What then?You wind up with him in the awesomest way possible.And the world is full of awesomeness then. ♥ ♥
4 months.The most wonderful  four months that have ever been.
With these thoughts in her mind,she was walking down the street,with a smile on her face.Constantly,she'd stare at her phone and then smile a little more.She'd bite her lips.Try to stop smiling,and then break into a smile again.
She was in love.With this one person,who meant the world to her.He was what she thought about before she closed her eyes every night.and he was what she thought about every second that they were open.She dreamt of him.Of them being together.The dream that would,someday,come true.
The thing they had,meant so much to her,that she'd do anything to be with the awesomest person she's ever known.Whom she loves,more then she's loved anyone else.She'd have a love story with a happy ending.She's promised herself that.She promised him.And this promise,she'd keep.

Hate me.But tell me,you missed me?

I know you people out there are dying to hear from me.NOT.But its been 20 days,I wrote something,and *you* will not deter me from writing about my oh-so-not-delightful life.

I've been trying to write.Trust me,I am.But it just dosen't come.My engineering college is killing.Its how I didn't want my engineering college to be.I want to pack my bags and go on a long vacation.To some place I don't know of.With people speaking language,I haven't heard ever.That would be fun.I wan't to be alone for sometime.No,I'll keep my phone with me,to talk to S,all the time.He's *my last resort*.

Life seems stupid,to say the least.BORING.Is the word.Its pathetic.Trust me.

I wish I could have thousands of bucks in my mobile,so that I could talk to S all day long.He keeps me sane.

I wish,I wouldn't have some of my classmates hovering over me all the time.Some of them,I totally detest.

I wish,the world was full of people I liked. 

The bad ones could,well,go die.

I don't make sense.I know.But bear with me.I suck.These days,I totally do.True.Story.

Random things you don't want to read.

Its sunday.And in two days time,I will officially be an engineering student.When I was a kid,I thought engineering is the coolest thing ever,and I so wanted to be one.I still want to.But over the years,I've seen it losing its novelty.Every friggin' nobody is an engineering student.Most of them pull out after the first year.And most of them struggle through it,with the poorest of grades.People with absoultely un-delightful marks in their +2 opt for it,making me crinch.Most of them secure a seat,with huge amount of money in their father's bank account,or some *connections*,or because of the quota system.I've always condemned them,but who the fuck listens to me? [Some gut feeling tells me,I'll be a good engineer :P]

I got a new haircut,and it looks FAB.The hair is all bouncy,and its not always that I feel pretty.I want to upload a pic,but then,my epic phone requires a different data cable,that isn't available everywhere. *Waiting for a new digi cam* =).

I feel so loserly lately.I've done nothing remarakable.Some,I don't want to.But never-the-less,life is one big boring slide show.
I've never gone clubbing.I've never seen a porn video[purely out of choice].I haven't watched Avataar [its big deal,isn't it?].I haven't watched Sholay-the entire film[seen it in bits and parts] and supposedly,you can't do that if you're an indian.I haven't got shit drunk.I've never danced atop a table.I've never worn hot pants.I've never had a tattoo.Not even the fake sticker ones.I haven't had a lip piercing.I haven't got my hair coloured or straightened or curled.I have never worn a tank top or a corset.I'm a virgin.I've never been on a plane.I've never been asked out by a super hot guy.I've never followed a diet.I've never done fasting.I've never been to a gym :P
I've always had an idea of writing a post like this one.I took the incentive from this.

While returing from Churchgate yesterday,I took this train.There was a fat girl,with garish pink lipstick,super tight slacks,ugly tee,and no slippers with a huge bag,sleeping in it.She was sleeping,in a way,that all the aunties thought she was dead.And then she wakes up,eats three chapattis,gobbles down a bottle of nimbooooz and then gets down at andheri and walks barefoot.Lol.

I duuno why I've uploaded this pic.A blogpost without a pic is boring.The post is random,so is the pic.

I have a PHD in embarassing myself.True.Story.

Effing shit,man.Its an art.How effortlessly I go about embarassing myself in every god damn place.Take this-

-The other day,I was at this mall with my dad.Allright confession #1-escalators freak the shit out of me.True.Story.So,it was a saturday evening,the mall was super-crowded.So we decide to go down the escalator.I hold onto my dad's hand tight while this 7 year old girl goes hop,skip and jump over it.WtF..!!7 year-olds are supposed to be scared of escalators.

I saw this pathetically dressed up girl at the mall.Wearing the worst clothes ever.And fluorescent pink lipstick.Whaaaaaatthefaaaak..!!Anyways,I was so absorbed into noticing how pathetic she was,I ran into a pillar.Yeah,you heard that right.Baaam!went my nose.Still hurts,you know. :(

Anyways,dont you guys think Calvin & Hobbes are the coolest people ever.I'd want to be Calvin if I weren't me.And S could be Hobbes maybe.heha.I'm sure he's going all WTF now.

Yet another year....

Krishna Mandar was sitting on his favourite couch.He had got it from Spain when he had gone for vacationing with his family last year.That was the last vacation he had  had with his son,Raj,who was now studying in Switzerland.His daughter was away for a shopping spree with her friends to London.God,that girl so loved to shop!If she had her way,she'd spend all the money that he had acquired  earned on her shopping.He let out a small chuckle.
He was scheduled to meet his secretary now and then the destitute slum people half an hour later,but that can wait.The independence day speech was more important.
Roy entered the minister's palatial house.It was beautiful with rich french interiors.A common man would wonder how the minister could afford that with a 20K salary.But Roy knew the secrets.He was the inside man.
"Here comes,my man",exclaimed the minister as he settled down with a scotch,"So what's the deal tomorrow.The Independence day,eh?".
"Hmmm,yeah.You've been invited to the Varsity B-school for the flag hoisting ceremony",he stated as he fumbled with some sheets.
"So?"
"So,you would be invited to grace the occasion with a speech,so I thought we should discuss what you would like to talk about",he replied.
"Hmmpfff!"
Roy was waiting for a reply.
"I don't want a Q&A round.These kids,they end up asking anything dragging me into futile controversies",was all he said.
Roy sighed,"Allright.I'l notify them about it.So,what would you want to talk about?Inflation,the CWG fiasco...and.."
"No no,are you mad?No contoversies please",interrupted the minister.
"What then?"
"oh,the usual.Poverty,education..."
"Won't that be a tad too repetetive?"
"Ah...who cares?Flag hoist karke,do teen shabd bol kar chal aayenge,bas."
This was yet another independence day,thought Roy.Yet.Another.
"Allright.I'll get the speech written in an hour.Should I get the car drawn,you need to visit the slum dwellers now?"
"Kya?Oh,yeah...nahi,they can wait.I'll go get some nap.This conversation has tired me to no end."
"But sir,you'd get late."
"Chalega,let it be.And yeah,Preeti needed some money in London.Get the bank to wire some to her,like 3000$.I'll go,get some sleep."
"Yes...Sir."


God,how much he hated this job,he sighed,as he left the mansion.

Coz she's happy....

Meher is very happy today.For random reasons.
She's been smiling since the time she's woken up ,11:30 a.m.,i.e.Waking up late always makes Meher happy.
She's had her bath for 45 minutes today,enjoying herself in the icy cold water.Yes,water makes her happy too.
She had her wtf moment,when her mum was nagging over her.But then she started smiling again. :)
She's wearing light blue pajamas with small brown teddies over it.Blue colour and teddies make her happy too.She super cute and adorable,I know. :P
She's been talking to S all day.S makes her happy all the time.
She's wearing her favourite red t. :)
Her hair is looking awesome.That makes her happy.
She's writing this post.That makes her happy too.Yeah,she can't stop smiling. :)

WTF!!! zone..

bwahahahahahha....yeah,like wtf..!!??

Goodbye

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 13; the thirteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

How much time is too much time?Or,how much time is too little.
With these thoughts racing through her mind,she sat down.Her increased heart beat told her,that this is not what it was meant to be.
This had always felt right.When they were young teens walking hand in hand in the college campus,it felt just right.They were kids.They were asumed to have a casual fling.But god,they didn't.It was love.Not some teeny-weeny love affair.The real one,the mature one.Yes,it was love allright.
They grew up,the love remained.Or so,they thought.They were petty issues,there always were.She sighed,thats the thing with teenage love addicts,they think everything can be worked upon.And they did,temporarily ofcourse.
They got married.Was it then that it went downhill.She sighed.Having had a difficult childhood,she had wanted her marriage to be the best thing ever.More than that,she wanted her marriage to stay.
She looked at the rock on her finger.That was the best day of her life,and her blood flow got all pulsating.She heard them laughing.
This wan't the time for reminiscing those days,It was time to leave.Not for once,could she bear to see her with him in the same house.
It changed so fast.Coming late for work,frequent day-outs with friends.But all thats done.
It was time for the goodbyes.

The man she loved,for the last 10 years had changed.He was the one she had her first kiss with.He was the one to whom she had submitted herself,physically,emotionally and mentally.And he didn't belong to her anymore.
It would be painful to utter the word.This wasn't right,he had been her's always.How could they part?How could he ever love someone else,after all the promises that they had made?Had she asked too much from God..??
Her last week in the house,had gone into planning this very moment again and again.She had promised herself,that she wouldn't be any weaker.She'd wish him all the luck in the world (yeah,right*),and would make a graceful exit.But as she went down the stairs,she felt her feet growing numb.
"Fuck",she murmured under her breath.She stopped,midway.Took in the air around her slowly.Tried to let the feeling sink in.It was goodbye time after all.As she walked down again,she saw them slipping into his room.Arm in arm,smiling.Not once,had he looked back.Not once.Not a glance.She's didn't even get his goodbye.
Tears streamed down her face.She wiped them,took a piece of paper,wrote down the seven letters and slowly hissed,"Goodbye,love".

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Rain,love and everything thats happy :)

I'm sitting here and writing this post,I'd rather..

-go for a trek on a hill,scream my lungs out,in my fawesome voice (for no particular reason),drench myself,and sit down,content and go berserk in the weather.just like that.

-walk..along clean roads(which aren't water logged :P),get wet in the rain,and have steaming hot cuppa coffee..

-run to delhi (if only it were that close *sigh*) ♥

-find comfort in the arms of a super soft teddy bear (its a lovely feeling)

-go to marine drive,get wet,and let the water from the sea fall all over me(trust me,Mumbai is the place to be during the rains)

-play my playlist,switch on the a/c,get under the softest shawl possible and sleep.

But,I'm sitting here writting this..

yo,am a loser.

Everything I've been dreaming.....

Its effing surreal.This is the lovesick me,typing out sweet nothings almost every single time.Every damn time.I can't help it.I possibly can't seem to think of anything else.This happiness is what dreams are made of and now its for real.Damn you,S.You're something.Almost too good to be true.

Last evening,while talking on the phone with a friend,I etched out small hearts on a page in the telephone directory.I'm that crazy.True.Story.
I'm in love with the thought of being in love.You get that,right?
Until more into the crazy mind (gee *heart*)of this lovesick teen.ta-ta.

I'm a bitch,yeah.not kiddin'

Yeah,so allright.This is a phase and I fucking know that.I'm amiable vaise toh,trust me.

But then,there are these moments,the loony ones,where I get all irritable.The writer's block comes over me,I dont write(I can't,rather) and I reply in monosyllables,majorly i choose not to reply.So you'd know how irritating it would be for people who have to deal with me then.

Especially S,I think I drive him supa crazy and insane,though he dosen't utter a single word against me.That's the thing with him.He wouldn't say a single word that might sadden me in any way.He's a sweetheart,and I know that.When I'd be going through these phases,he'd be the sweetest possible.He's all awwness,and I :heart: him.

So,here is his,being his warmest self to me and I reply in monosyllables.I hate it.I don't wan't to do it.Yeah,I can be such a despicable person.But then he manages to say the awesomest things ever said,and makes me smile again.If I'm still sour,he'd even sing me a song.Yeah,he's that awesome.He's miles away,but he'd go down on his kness just to make me smile.

I hope that someday,Id be good enough to deserve everything good that he is.Someday,maybe I will.

I love you,S.

I'm a teeny princess.NOT.

I was never pampered.Not ever.And its not a *rant*.You trust me,right?its not.Or maybe..
I'm a lone child.No siblings.I still wasn't pampered.*sigh*.
I was nobody's princess.I certainly wasn't.My parents love me.They totally do.But their's was an *am-not-coddling-you* sort of love.If i cried for something they didn't give me,they'd let me cry. My dad never praises me.If I did something that I thought was awesome,all he'd say was *good*.And if he is in an uber awesome spirit,he might hug me for that,but no praises came my way.My mum is still a little indulgent.
I was never the princess in my school too.With all humility,I will admit,I was one of the famous kids,the smarter ones,the well spoken,but I wasn't pampered by anyone.
And then,I came to junior college,and I spent the shittiest two years of my life.Being an ICSE student in a state board college,has its own pros,but it comes with a hell lot of perils.While on one hand,you have a certain section of your class who are awe-struck and who god-worship you,there is another section who deem you as the ultimate bitch,the snob,the show-off.Yes,I was assumed to be all that too.
And I rarely attended college,to be pampered by the professors,so no chance there.
I have two brothers,who I meet once in a year.I absolutely love them,they do too :),but they don't pamper me either.
Maybe,because I've done uber awesome things not to deserve it.I have..
1.Stolen their t-shirts,and worn them without their permission.
2.Worn their slippers,which would be dangling on my feet,never-the-less.
3.stolen their watches,and hide them for days.
4.Hit them.(Am horribly cute :P)
Now,there is this one guy,who can't seem to think of anything else other than me(his words).Maybe,I'm his pricess.Maybe this one time.

A languorous bitch..??hell,yeah..!!

So,well,there was this bitch of a girl.She was weird.She thought weird things,and she did weird stuff.Not like anybody cared of what she thought.Nobody cared for her existence anyways.But well,she existed in her own weird way.

So,well this bitch didn't have friends.So,she had nothing to do ever.So all she did was think.

She moved in a dreamy way.When she walked,nobody would notice her.So,she lived in oblivion.You might think that she liked it that way.Nay,she hated it.But,she didn't have a choice.

So,well,I told you that all this bitch did was think.She thought about a life,totally different form what she lived.She yearned for a friend,a lover,someone who would care for what she was.
One day,not a bright one at that,she grew tired of her incognizant living.So,she did the unthinkable.She drifted into the forbidden forest.People were aghast.But then,they didn't really care.
Do you know what happened after that?No,you don't.Read on.
The cruelty and indifference of life was too much for her to bear.She spotted the lake.She freed herself of the burden of her clothes,and slipped into the cool water.She waded in all her nakedness,and she thought.And then she felt something warm slither up her legs.With great effort,she looked down,to see something,maybe human,maybe not,looking at her with an inviting gaze.She wanted to give herself to it.She did.That thing,with loads of tattoos on its body,claimed the bitch,and engulfed her,and entered into her which left her tantalizing for more.And then it left,just like that.In her dreamy oblivion.

Under the starry sky..or something along those lines

We're long distance.You might have figured this out by now.

Of late,I havent' been blogging about anything else.Its either about him or us.He says that would irk the few followers that I have pretty bad.But bear with me,I'm in love :))*sigh*.

We talk every night.True.When the sky is adorned by the stars,and the moon shines with all its senile beauty,we don't seem to care.We talk.

Two people.Two hearts.Miles away from each other.Talking of a tomorrow where they would be together,for real.

And I've turned into this supa weird romantic now.All because of him.

So,well,randomly,I was just thinking.Of two people separated by miles,united under a starry sky.All emotions flow.No restraints.Both of them lost in each other's arms.Isn't that supposed to be beautiful?

I'm weird.I know.

But I effing want it.A union under a starry sky.

*sigh*

Love and the distance.(Part 1)

A thousand miles seems pretty far

But they've got planes and trains and cars

I'd walk to you if I had no other way

Our frnds would all make fun of us

and we'll just laugh along because we know

That none of them have felt this way

This is the first song he sang for me.Awesome na..??♥ ♥

Dreams.

Is happy.
Dreams.
Smiles.
Longs for you.Smiles.Is happy..!! :)

Fictional reality

The distance hurts.Its creepy sometimes.There's someone you adore and you want to be close to him everyday,every second and every single moment and you can't.Hurts.You yearn for his touch,his hug and you don't get it.Hurts.I always thought the prolonged yearn for someone is superficial.It ain't that.Its bloody well deep.And it hurts.

So when you're all alone with the phone in your hand waiting for him to text,you think.Of a possible reality.What could have been had he been here,next to you.What would it be like,when he'll actually be next to you.You think.And then you miss him more.You talk to him till your eyes close and you want to talk to him as soon as your eyes open.The craving is deep.You smile because you're so happy that he's with you.You cry because you miss his physical presence.He makes you laugh because he can't see you sad for a second.He cries,because amidst the smiles,he has a heart that misses you crazy too.You miss him,he assures you he'll be there for you soon.He misses you,you do the assuring.

Every night,as I lie down on my bed,you're the person I think about.Your the person I want to be with.Your the person I want to snuggle close to.Its hard,very hard.

But then you make it easy.You turn out as the awesomest person to have ever been in my life,that I cannot help but wonder,that if it ain't you,its no one else.

There's this effect he has on me,every time we talk,that leaves me drooling over him.He leaves me mushy eyed.And the world seems a more brighter place to look at.

*Sigh*.
Things wouldn't have been the same without you.I wouldn't have been the same without you.And I like the present me.So,I guess..this is what it has to be. ♥

My sins against gender stereo-types..!!

I've never been tagged much.*rant*.But now that I have by this very dear blog mate-Dipti,I'm all game for it.


So here's the tag-Please list atleast 10 things you've ever wanted or done which your gender is not supposed to.
The tag is called *My sins against Gender-stereotypes*.And you must tag 12 blogging friends or else you will be cursed to wear blue pants if your a woman and pink shirts if you're a man for the next 12 years.

ohk..I'm blank..!!Yeah..here we go..
1.Around the 6th and the 7th std,I was addicted to caps.Not the round pansy ones,but those baseball caps.They were my ultimate temptation.I am not so much addicted to them but i still like wearing a cap once in a while.

2.uhmm...I love gadgets.Not that I'm a pro at using them.It takes me time to decipher a gadget,but i still love using swanky ones and the feel of them in my hands.

3.Whenever I see pictures of these sexy girls dressed in the ultimate seductive lingerie,I flinch.I cannot bring myself to wearing that.I will always prefer my shorts and loose t shirts to bed.

4.I hate flowers.Looking at them is ok(though i never do it).Being gifted flowers is bad.And oh,I hate cats.(always thought liking cats is a girl thing),infact,I dont have any love for any sort of animal.*sigh*

5.Till the 8th grade,I hated painting my nails.It used to creep me out.Very bad.It dosen't anymore.

6.I don't own sandals.Not even now.I'm ashamed to admit,but the thought of shopping for those lady-like sandals always creeps me out.I own three pairs of converse and one pair of sturdy sports shoes and loads of chappals(two pairs being distinctly male)but no sandals.SO,I don't wear ethnic much,because the footwear creeps me put.

7.I love black.I swear by everthing that is black.My wardrobe looks black.Well,almost.

8.I hate with a capital H...absolutely hate Taylor swift,Hannah montana/miley cyrus(or whoever she is ),Selena Gomez,and all female disney charachters.

9.I hate dolls.Whenever I was gifted one as a kid,I'd amputate its limbs,and pop its blue eyes out(which makes me wonder..why do all dolls have blue eyes..!!!???).

10.I have no affiliation for cooking.Cook for me,I'm a good eater. :P.

Forgive me,I'm not good at tagging.DOn't understand how to come about it.

So,I tag *you*.Go,do your tag. :)

mirchi lagi..!!??

I'm trying to write.I seriously am.It just ain't coming today.So,I'm typing random crap.
I'm very happy today.I've never been this happy since a really long time *touchwood*.
In fact,I'm *supa dupa* happy since last night.Maybe its you <3 <3.My mum thinks I'm nuts though.She always thought i was one big nut anyways.
Ever sat in front of the tv..watched a supa corny Govinda movie?Replete with pelvic thrusts?I just did.gee*
*Main to raste se jaa raha tha..main to bhel puri kha raha tha,tujhe mirchi lagi to main kya karu* and all that.hehehe..
Govinda is god-sent.An awesome thing to happen to humans.Or something along those lines.
I was at Marks & spencer,a week ago.And a man was asking his friend whether he should buy the blue boxers or the hot pink boxers.wtf...??

aint PMSing..

It was sad from the very start.All depressing.NO,this ain't PMS.This is just pathetically sad.

Its when,you want to roll yourself in a corner of your room,and cover your face.
Its when you don't want people hovering about you.
Its when you're cranky for no particular reason,and tears stream down your eyes just like that.
Talking to someone is the last thing you want to do.
And then you open your blog,and you lose a follower.How depressing can that get.

But then I talk to you,and am all smiles agin.*sigh*

Dumbfuck

I've been sleeping a lot lately.everything puts me to sleep.Even coffee.
I'm writting this.I actually want to turn off the computer and snuggle into the bed.
This is stupid though.
The rainy season was supposed to have set in mumbai.but then it dosen't rain since the past two days.
My mobile's become old.The numbers are not visible on the keypad anymore.My mum wonders how I still end up texting with alarming alacrity.*Its talent,babay*.Thats what I tell her.true story.
The sky's all clear.It won't rain today.Fuck meteoroligists.No good.

A month of love...

Yay...its a been a month of love today,and I couldn't have been happier.Just a week before the last month,I was failing to understand things.Now,everything is jet clear.
I'm in love with the most awesome guy on planet earth.
We're happy.
We're cool.
We're stupid.
But most importantly,we're together(thats the best thing).

I must be crazy now

Maybe I dream too much

But when I think of you

I long to feel your touch

To whisper in your ear

Words that are old as time

Words only you would hear

If only you were mine

I know that you'd feel the way that I do

And I'd whisper these words as you'd lie here by my side

I love you,

please say You love me too,

these three words

They could change our lives forever

And I promise you that we will always be together

Till the end of time

Well maybe i, I need a little love yeah

And maybe i, I need a little care

And maybe i, maybe you, maybe you, maybe you

Oh you need somebody just to hold you

If you do, just reach out and I'll be there

I love you,

please sayYou love me too

Please say you love me too

Till the end of time

These three words

They could change our lives forever

And I promise you that we will always be together

I love this song.I don't know if I'm crazy,but I sure as hell do know that what I feel for you is insane.Happy first *monthaversary* baby.I love you.

P.S.I've edited the song a trifle just to make sense to how we feel. :)

Love is you.

Love happens.No,it dosen't happen when two beautiful looking people bump into each other at the bus stop.No,it dosen't even happen when you know the guy from the 4th grade and yearn for him to notice you once,whereas he passes you off as his closest bud.It happens with *want*.Ask me.

I felt for a guy.Knew him for the 4th grade.He did,he didn't.I have no fucking idea.He was just tepid..yeah.

But then *you* happened.You were there all along the last 2 years.We never realised something was ever gonna happen.

I thought he was the smartest guy I've ever met.He was magnetic.Friendship was meant to be.We went on with our worlds,that were monotonous,troublesome...and all that was anti-special,never once realising,that we'd just turn it upside down if we'd be together.We were dumb enough not to see that.

But then we were always meant to be together na.not-with-standing(I always like this word written this way) your stupid ex,nor my troubled past,nor the very recent crush I had.SO love happens.It happened.In a way I've never experienced before.It was surreal.There was no time to think.No time to analyse.This was it.We had to fall in love.

I don't care if we're long distance.I don't care if it might take me another 4 months to be with you in person.Make that a year,I still don't care.I want you,like I've never wanted anyone else ever.I love you,to the point of total distraction.You're on my mind the whole day,every second,ever moment.

Yes,I love everything you do.Even when you dedicate the horniest hindi song in the world for me..just to make me giggle,I love you more.When you sing me a song,I love you even more.When you wait for me to call you,I love you more.Every love song reminds me of you.You're that kind,the awesome kind,who makes me want to love you more and more.

You're my prince charming,my archetypal lover..and all thats fairy tale and mush.

You're romance for me.

I love you.And yes,we'll pull it through,all the way.♥ ♥ ♥

just a thought

Allright..First things first.My crush life is screwed up bad.Nothing is happening,and I feel nothing ever will.Like Sourav Pandey said,somethings are never meant to be.And with much hesitation..I should agree.Maybe its for better things to follow up in the future.

Allright.So this post is random.Coz am in love.Love with the concept of conversation.We all need a decent conversation to spruce up a rather dull day.And Yes,I do have a friend,who lights up everyday of mine with an awesome conversation.
He's awesome.The best buddy I could have found right now.I needed him.I found him.He's special.Because he's like no one I ever knew.He's different.He understands my dumbness,gets weirded out by my weirdness.I Love him..coz he's the best thing that has happened to me since...since..this awesome chineese I had a week ago.. :P

Nah,he's more to me than my food.He's my gummie bear.He's miles away,but if he were by my side,i'd give him the tightest hug ever.Awww...He's *supa-dupa* awesome.And everytime I talk to him,its sheer happiness in life.You know one of those days,when everything around you is dull.But this one voice lights you up.He's that to me.A simple message from him makes me smile like a total kiddo.Aww,I love you so.

By the way,I went to Dadar today with my dad and I tell him,the next train aint ours..and He says.."Tumhe kuch nahi pata".And I nod my head.I say,I'll go in the ladies compartment(because I get to sit aaram se),so he nods his head.And am so sure,the next train ain't ours,still.So I stay back,and my dad gets into the wrong train.And he calls me up to ask whether i did the same.On realising..I go..guffawwww....(laugh,that is).Crappy fun.

Amma..

Dear amma,
Thanks for the lovely breakfast you just gave me.it was *yummylicious*.
You have always been there for me.You still are,nagging around me telling me to oil my hair,set my clothes in the cupboard.Sometimes,I ask myself,why do you care so much.Nobody does,amma.Nobody cares how i walk,how i eat,whether I do or don't,how I dress,or how I carry myself.But you do.Infact you care a lot.
*Not that top,thats too buxom-revealing.not this one,you look so bad,or wear this one,you look preety,like my darling daughter*Why?
Why do you care so much?How can someone love the other so much?You wait for me to have lunch with you and nibble through your food on the days that I dont.Why?Why so much love?
I love you amma,but I wonder if the love I have for you matches that which you have for me.It dosen't.I wonder whether I can love anyone as much as you love me.Sometimes I wonder whether this much love exists.
You have shown me what real caring is.I don't know what to tell you on this mother's day,but I can assure you one thing inspite of the numerous bickerings we have,I will stick with you for ever,the way you have.love you amma..!!♥ ♥

Back=)

This blog wasn't supposed to be in your heart and all,but I couldnt stay away from the blog for long.All crap in life is done with,and I'm back.Do wait for more notifications now.